53 | G016 | An Hour with Caroline, Daddy Blackbird is Set to Fly

In this special episode for World Suicide Prevention Day, Caroline Roodhouse shares an intimate and powerful reflection on her journey through grief following the loss of her husband, Steve, to suicide in 2018. With raw honesty and deep vulnerability, Caroline recounts her path from the darkness of despair to a place of hope and healing. She delves into the process of writing her book, Daddy Blackbird, a work that embodies the delicate balance between heartbreak and the promise of renewal.

Caroline offers profound insights into how she moved from the number four to three, a symbolic transition that led her to find peace in triangles. She beautifully describes how triangles, like pyramids, provide a sense of strength, balance, and solidity amidst the chaos of loss. Her reflections reveal the unexpected ways that grief can shape our understanding of the world, allowing new structures of resilience and meaning to emerge.

Throughout the conversation, Caroline emphasizes the importance of kindness—to oneself and others—as a vital force in navigating the turbulent waters of grief. She speaks about the unwavering power of community, illustrating how connection, compassion, and shared experiences are crucial to finding light in the darkest moments.

As we approach the launch of Daddy Blackbird on October 10th, this episode stands as a heartfelt tribute to the journey from sorrow to solace, offering listeners a beacon of hope, the strength in vulnerability, and the healing power of kindness and community.

More information at Daddy Balckbird

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Transcript

Finding Hope Beyond Loss: A Conversation with Caroline Roodhouse
By Dr. Manaan Kar Ray 

Introduction: The Courage to Share 

In this deeply moving episode of our podcast series, I had the honor of speaking with Caroline Roodhouse, a communication consultant and a powerful advocate for suicide prevention and support for those left behind. Caroline’s husband, Steve, took his own life in 2018, leaving her and their two young daughters to navigate the tumultuous journey of grief, loss, and ultimately, hope. Caroline opens up about her experience, the challenges she faced, and how she now uses her story to help others in similar situations. 

The Tragedy Unfolds: A Shock Without Warning 

Caroline describes Steve as a joyful, kind-hearted man who was loved by many. On the morning of his death, there were no warning signs, no indication of the storm brewing inside. Caroline recounts how her life and that of her daughters changed overnight when she received the devastating news. With no clear answers to the question of "Why?" Caroline was left to grapple with intense grief, confusion, and anger. 

Grieving in the Aftermath: The Unpredictable Waves 

Caroline speaks about the raw and overwhelming nature of grief that follows a death by suicide. She describes it as "grief with the volume turned up," where emotions are magnified, making it difficult to find peace. She shares her struggles with the constant reminders of their loss, particularly during events like Father’s Day and other family milestones. The grief did not just impact her, but her young daughters, who had to face the reality of losing their father at such tender ages. 

Navigating Grief with Children: Honesty and the Hard Conversations 

One of the most profound aspects of our conversation was Caroline’s experience of helping her children process their father's death. She candidly discusses the challenge of being honest with her daughters, explaining death and suicide in an age-appropriate manner. The advice from the charity Winston's Wish played a crucial role in guiding these difficult conversations. Caroline emphasizes the importance of honesty in building trust with her children, offering a roadmap for other parents dealing with similar grief. 

Finding Strength in Acceptance 

Caroline speaks passionately about her journey toward acceptance. Initially, she struggled with the idea of being a family of three instead of four, feeling out of place in a world that often revolves around traditional family units. Over time, she found solace in the idea of forming a “triangle of strength,” embracing the new shape of her family. She encourages others to find their own shape in the aftermath of loss, to seek acceptance not as giving up but as a pathway to freedom and resilience. 

Writing as a Pathway to Healing: "Daddy Blackbird" 

Caroline’s upcoming book, Daddy Blackbird, emerges from this journey of acceptance and transformation. Writing became a therapeutic process, allowing her to express the complex emotions that came with Steve’s death. The title of the book, inspired by a blackbird that frequently visited her garden, represents both the pain and the hope that have become intertwined in her life. Through her writing, Caroline aims to offer a voice to those affected by suicide, providing both a testament to the impact of loss and a message of hope. 

Changing the Narrative: Compassion and Kindness 

Caroline’s story underscores the importance of shifting how we talk about suicide and mental health. She advocates for creating spaces where people can openly discuss their emotional pain without judgment. The theme of World Suicide Prevention Day, "Changing the Narrative," resonates deeply with Caroline's message. She emphasizes the power of kindness, both to others and oneself, as a vital component of this change. It’s about recognizing that being vulnerable and seeking help is not a sign of weakness, but a courageous step towards healing. 

A Final Message: The Power of Kindness 

In her concluding remarks, Caroline shares a poignant message about the power of kindness. She reflects on the kindness shown to her by others during her darkest moments and the importance of showing kindness to oneself. She reminds us that everyone faces struggles, but through empathy and compassion, we can create a world that looks different—a world that holds space for each individual’s pain and healing. 

Caroline’s journey is one of immense courage, vulnerability, and strength. Her story serves as a beacon of hope for those who have been touched by suicide and as a reminder of the enduring power of compassion and connection in the face of life's most profound challenges.