52 | G015 | An Hour with John Bell, Rolemodelling Self Love to Send a Message to Jake

In the lead up to World Suicide Prevention Day, we present an hour with John Bell in which he shares his journey of post traumatic growth.

In July 2020, John became a bereaved parent through the accidental suicide of his 15 year old son, Jake. He coped with the mental trauma of this experience by taking time out alone in the mountains, using his army training to push himself physically, in an effort to balance the psychological storms he endured. In this way John was able to build up his resilience and find a new place of peace; an approach which he is passionate about sharing with others. 

To this end, in 2023, he and Chris, our Chair of Trustees, co-founded Walking 4 Hope with family members and friends so that others in similar situations could discover these coping strategies and ways of being for themselves. 

John treasures the love he will always have in his heart for Jake; this gives him the drive to do all in his power to be alongside young people, families and bereaved parents who are all contending with their own struggles, helping them to reap the benefits of spending time outdoors and building their own resilience through nature. More information at waling4hope.org

Connect with Assoc Prof Manaan Kar Ray on Linkedin
Follow us on www.progress.guide

Transcript

Walking for Hope: A Journey Through Grief, Strength, and Compassion

In a candid and powerful conversation on Dr. Manaan Kar Ray's podcast, John Bell shares his deeply personal journey through the darkness of losing his 15-year-old son, Jake, to suicide. This episode is more than just an exploration of grief; it's a profound testament to the strength of the human spirit and the power of compassion, both for oneself and for others.

The Darkness and the Light: Learning to Love the Pain

From the outset, John opens up about the overwhelming sorrow he faced after Jake's passing in 2020. “I spent every single day planning my own death,” John admits. His journey into the mountains was not an escape, but a quest for solace and understanding. As he walked, John began to confront his inner darkness, acknowledging the pain while seeking a glimmer of light. It was through these hikes, pushing himself physically to the limits, that he found a way to balance the psychological storms raging within him.

Finding Resilience Through Nature

Nature became John's sanctuary, a place where he could take “one step at a time” and reconnect with himself. He describes his extreme hiking, not as a means to numb his emotions, but rather as a way to feel truly alive. The arduous physical challenges forced him to dig deep, test his limits, and cultivate a stronger mindset. "The more you look into the darkness, the more you find the equal amount of light," John explains, emphasizing the importance of finding the courage to face one’s inner turmoil.

The Weight of the Bathtub: A Symbol of Silent Suffering

In 2023, John co-founded "Walking for Hope," a charity dedicated to helping others find strength and healing through nature. One of his most striking initiatives involves carrying a 15-kilogram bathtub up and down mountains, adorned with rubber ducks symbolizing lost loved ones. This unique and symbolic act represents the invisible weight carried by those struggling with mental health challenges. The bathtub, like grief, is heavy and cumbersome, but it also serves as a reminder that we can continue to move forward, even with our burdens.

A Message of Self-Compassion

Dr. Manaan Kar Ray highlights an essential takeaway from John's story: the power of self-compassion. Throughout the conversation, John stresses the importance of being kind to oneself, a message that resonates with both those in grief and healthcare professionals alike. "We cannot give what we haven't got," John says. He urges listeners to cultivate self-love and compassion, as it not only helps in personal healing but also sets an example for others. "If you can't be kind to yourself, how will your children learn to be kind to themselves?" he questions, underscoring the role of self-compassion in building resilience.

Walking Side by Side: The Power of Connection

One of the most poignant moments of the episode comes when John recalls a late-night encounter with a stranger during one of his walks. In a moment of distress, this individual admitted that he was contemplating ending his own life. Walking side by side with John, dressed as Deadpool and carrying the bathtub, the man found comfort and hope in their shared journey. This encounter exemplifies the healing power of connection and presence – sometimes, simply walking alongside someone can provide the support they need.

For Healthcare Professionals: A Call to Self-Care

Addressing healthcare professionals, Dr. Manaan Kar Ray emphasizes the importance of self-care in their demanding roles. John reinforces this message, noting that the constant exposure to others' suffering can take a toll on caregivers. "We are all in this together," he reminds listeners, stressing that compassion fatigue is real, and self-compassion is crucial for those supporting others in crisis. In his words, "If you are full of suffering, that's all you can give."

Moving Forward: One Step at a Time

As the conversation draws to a close, John leaves listeners with a powerful message: keep showing up and putting one foot in front of the other. His journey is a testament to the strength of the human spirit and the transformative power of compassion. Whether it's through extreme hiking, carrying a symbolic bathtub, or simply being present for others, John Bell exemplifies how we can find light in even the darkest places.